Andy "The Nard Dog" Bernard, better known as Boner Jams by his A Capella group
Here Comes Trouble, has turned into the Cosmo Kramer of the Office (minus the raging racism). He is a man of humble origins, born to the name Walter Bernard Jr. until his younger brother was born whom his parents felt better exemplified the Walter Jr. name and was then named Andrew, a name his parents found in a baby book. Andy Bernard attended Cornell University where he met his roommate ButtMudd Brooks, as well as his friends and fellow A Capella singers: Broccoli Rob, Scooter 1 and Scooter 2. While in Cornell when the Nard Dog wasn't singing unimcumbered by instruments he was getting wicked hammered, his nickname was puke. He would chug a fifth of soco, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, boot, rally, more soco, head to class. He probably would have gotten expelled if he had let it affect his grades, but he aced all his courses. They called him Ace. It was totally awesome. He got straight B's. They called him Buzz. After he graduated Cornell he landed a sweet gig at a paper company called Dunder Mifflin in The Stanford Connecticut branch. There is were he met long time friend Jim Halpert who he quickly and brilliantly nicknamed Big Tuna. After Stanford got shut down he was transferred to Scranton Pennsylvania, where the real fun began. Andy immediately got in good with the boss by singing What Is Love for boss Michael Scott on the spot, also unencumbered by instruments. Just as quickly he fell out of the bosses favor for being annoying and creepy. Michael Scott has been quoted as saying, "Andy Bernard, Pros: He went to Cornell, I trust him, Cons: I really don't trust him." Bernard then spent a brief stint in Anger Management after putting a hole in the wall of the office with his fist. Andy came back and became a low key man, besides getting engaged to Angela Martin, a woman who wouldnt sleep with him because she was sleeping with Dwight Kurt Schrute (but that is a story all for itself). Andy Bernard is still working at Dunder Mifflin and has been rumored to have been romantically involved with a new secretary. We will leave you with some memberable Nard Dog quotes.
Jim: I just blew a sales call!
Andy Bernard: Bro, I do that all the time.
Andy Bernard: Andy Bernard does not lose contests, he wins them, or he quits them because they are unfair.
Andy Bernard: [
about Angela] You need to set me up with her. I know she told you she's looking, and she's totally not responding to my moves.
Pam: What moves?
Andy Bernard: I moonwalked past accounting like, ten times.
Andy Bernard: For the record, I prefer women. But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Andy Bernard: You give me a gift? *BAM* Thank you note! You invite me somewhere? *POW* RSVP! You do me a favor? *WHAM* Favor returned! Do not test my politeness.
Andy Bernard: I'm petrified of nipple chaffing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle... you have sensitive nipples, they chaff, so they become more sensitive, so they chaff more. So I take precautions.
-Men
I recently had a scare and thought his penis was sick. After days of reading STD forums as well as pamphlets from Health Services, I felt the responsible thing to do would be to get tested. All the other men thought I was a tard (fuck that yo). However the test came back negative so all is well, back to my old promiscuous ways I guess (I'm feeling lucky). I would just like to extend my warnings to all of you, don't freak out, what are the odds right? What scared me is that I had no symptoms and the first symptom for most STDs is USUALLY SHOWS NO SYMPTOMS. THATS EXACTLY WHAT I HAD, na mean? Well anyway, at least I can say that I am the only one of the men that knows for a FACT he does not have any diseases that are commonly contracted through sexual contact. It feels good to be CLEAN. 
