Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

I'm sick of people thinking cats are cool pets, I'd rather own a friggin opossum than a fucking sociopath kitty. Here is why dogs are better than cats:

1) Dogs are social: They want to be part of the party, cats just plot how to kill you in your sleep while they chill under the couch.
2) You can pet a dog: I love petting my dog vigorously, whenever I pet a cat I feel like I'm gunna break its ribs if i press too hard.
3) Dogs are people pets: Your dog will adapt to you and your lifestyle, cats make their owners adapt to them.
4) Dogs bring you what you want: Up there is a picture of my dog bringing me a 12 of bud (shes a bro) she also brings me tennis balls and ropes on request. She even skims the top of my pool when I'm trimming surrounding trees. Cats just bring mice, rats, and dead birds...wtf?
5) Dogs have variety: Is it just me or is every cat exactly the same?
6) Dogs have personality: Is it just me or is every cat exactly the same?
7) Every cat is exactly the same.
8) Dogs are smart: I've never seen a cat leading a blind dude around, or perform more adorable tricks that Hudson.
9) Dogs work for people: Lets see a cat do this. Enough Said
10) Dogs Love: No matter what you do to your dog, it will always love you. Cats are full of judgment
11) Cats ride the short bus: 95% of cats are mentally retarded.
12) Dogs Smile: Dogs are always happy, cats have a permament scowl on their smug little faces.
13) Cats are prison gay: Every male cat is gay. Especially if two male cats live together. They never see other girl cats and resort to homosexuality, they are always licking themselves and each other, spooning in the window, criticizing how i dress...so queer.
14) Cats are dirty: They are like that kid who comes to school sick and just has to touch everything. They are always walking on everything in the house and touching everything they can with their paws, dogs like the ground. Plus when was the last time a dog got stuck in a tree?
15) The most important reason why dogs are better than cats: Best case scenario, you get the smartest cat in the whole world....it still shits in your house.


-Men